Things are OK

Published June 18, 2013 - Muscat Daily. Click here to view the column on their website.

The title of this column may sound a little strange, but it’s actually the official name of an informal event that took place in Salalah’s largest ballroom last Friday night with none other than H E Yousuf bin Alawi bin Abdullah, Oman’s Minister Responsible for Foreign Affairs.

The aim of the meeting was to invite young people in Dhofar to meet with His Excellency in an informal setting as part of the National Youth Commission’s efforts to address youth issues in Oman. Naturally, word got around quickly in Dhofar about his visit so hundreds flocked to the meeting from all corners of Dhofar. I arrived an hour early and the venue was already filling up.

By the time His Excellency arrived, the room was so full that there were dozens of young men standing along the walls eager to listen to the discussion. I refer to men here because out of the 500 or so people who attended, unfortunately no more than a dozen were women.

The efficient moderator ensured that no time was wasted on introductions or flowery language. His Excellency was eager to start receiving questions from the audience. Over the course of five hours, questions concerning everything from Oman’s relationship with Iran to our Bedouin persona non grata were thrown his way.

An experienced diplomat and politician, he skillfully continued answering nearly every question into the wee hours of the morning. Two huge monitors in the room were broadcasting the live Twitter feed of the event with questions and commentary from people following remotely.

Among the recurring topics was the general discontent with the employment situation for young people in Oman and the rise in cost of living. Other issues covered in the discussion were Oman’s financial situation, speculation about a GCC union, borders with Yemen, Omani embassies around the world, Syria, politics in Dhofar, Iran, education, health, the Arab Spring and even intermarriage!

He pointed out time and time again that the only way Oman is going to move forward in this world is with education, hard work, dedication, and drive. Everyone knows this but it was important for youth to hear it from the one man who truly understands Oman’s position in this world. I was thrilled that he was openly criticising the ‘Omani productivity issue’ which translates into many Omanis still expecting to be spoon-fed by the government. One of his classic quotes during the evening was ‘Money that didn’t come from sweat will not last’.

Naturally, the night was not free of heated debates on sensitive topics that are often kept to private discussions behind closed doors. As far as I’m concerned, honest discussion of difficult topics is extremely healthy if we are to progress as a nation. During the Arab Spring, there was an explosion of free debate on the political situation in Oman and the region. This was followed by a major clampdown on free speech a year ago exactly which has caused general bitterness among writers, bloggers, journalists and activists in Oman.

As a young Omani woman who cares deeply for her country, I choose to be more optimistic. His Excellency’s visit was extremely important to our region and our youth. Although Oman is a relatively small country, officials don’t tend to mingle with the people very much. It’s not part of our leadership culture. The country’s top officials rarely make speeches or directly communicate with locals in public.

Despite the fact that His Excellency has been Minister Responsible for Foreign Affairs for over four decades, I have never seen an interview with him nor heard him speak in public or on television. All I know is that he has done a remarkable job of maintaining Oman’s positive foreign relations and following His Majesty Sultan Qaboos bin Said’s simple foreign policy ‘Oman shall not have an enemy on the face of the Earth’.

Overall, the event was a positive step taken by one of Oman’s top leaders to ensure more honest communication takes place between Omani youth and their government. After the youth-dominated nationwide sit-ins and protests since 2011 in particular, I’m hoping our officials begin to see that the only way forward is transparency.

On a final note, there has been a lot of speculation this week in Dhofar on whether other key officials in Oman are going to step forward and make themselves available for similar unfiltered discussions around Oman. Once we move away from a culture of finger-pointing and blaming to a culture of cooperation and productivity, it will be safe to say that things are OK!

Young People & Depression

Published February 15, 2011

The first time I ever thought of depression as a medical condition was nearly a decade ago when one of my high school classmates here in Salalah suddenly stopped attending classes halfway through the semester. She’d always been a loner and didn’t participate much in class so it took a few days before anyone realized she was gone. Two weeks later, she still hadn't showed up. Slowly rumors began to spread about her sudden disappearance and despite her family's desperate attempts at concealing the truth, we found out she had tried to end her life by swallowing bleach. She had been suffering from severe clinical depression and heaven knows what else, but her family refused to acknowledge it. Instead, they took her to local witchdoctors whose diagnosis was simply demonic possession. After undergoing a couple of exorcisms she decided she couldn't cope with life anymore and wanted to take the easy way out. She was seventeen at the time.

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Sadly, situations like this one are not uncommon here in Dhofar. I can think of at least ten young people I know who have suffered from severe depression but weren't brave enough to tell their families or go to a doctor for fear of being talked about and criticized. In our conservative society, people with depression or any form of mental illness are looked down upon, and if they do speak up they are immediately taken to a witchdoctor or religious sheikh. I agree that keeping your faith strong works in many cases for adults, but isn't shoving a prayer book into the hands of a depressed teenager who is struggling with suicidal thoughts a little harsh?

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There's no point denying the fact that depression is an illness that is definitely on the rise among young people and adults in Oman and all over the world, but the good news is that medical treatment is available. Believe it or not, there are some really excellent psychologists in our government and private hospitals and clinics who can help patients suffering from clinical depression. According to SQU Hospital in Muscat, over two thousand women were diagnosed with depression in 2010. The fact that they sought medical help at all is a huge step in the right direction. I can only wish the same were true for Salalah. We have a long way to go before people here open up about mental illnesses. Sure, it's discussed in secret and anonymously in local internet forums, but we need to publicly shed light on the situation. Our kids need to be educated about their mental wellbeing. They need to know when to ask for help. Most young people are reluctant to seek help and don't realize that proper treatment (i.e. not branding or exorcisms) can alleviate the symptoms in most cases. Yet because it often goes unrecognized, depression continues to cause unnecessary suffering.

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Several decades ago life in Oman was much simpler than it is now and depression wasn't much of an issue, but nowadays life can be too whelming for many young people. Some of us are able to cope but others simply can't. We all have our low days every now and then, but when one or two days become several months, it's time to seek help. The frightening thing is that many young victims in Oman feel they have nowhere to go for help. Most parents aren't able to recognize the symptoms, let alone school counselors and teachers.

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I am in no way an expert on anything related to mental health but I have witnessed enough cases in this town where severe depression has been mistaken for demonic possession and hushed to protect the family's reputation. We need more mental health professionals in rural areas outside the capital and we need to shed more light on the secrecy surrounding mental illness in Omani culture. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

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On a final note… since one of the strengths of society here is the fact that we're so intricately connected, surely we can use that to our advantage by providing collective support to people who suffer from mental illnesses? When someone dies, we rush to support the family and when someone is in need, we do the same. Surely if someone is suffering from depression, we could provide support as well?

Diving into Debt

Published  May 11, 2010 - Muscat Daily

A few weeks ago, I received a frantic call from one of my colleagues asking me to come and pick her up at her bank immediately. Without asking any questions, I got into my car and drove to her rescue. She came out of the bank clutching a large envelope, got into my car and asked me to take her home. I asked her what was in the envelope and she opened it to show me bundles of 50 rial notes! I must have fainted momentarily, because she tapped me on the side of the head and said 'Drive!' And this is how I drove across Salalah with thirty thousand rials in my car. I felt like I'd just robbed a bank.
 

You may be wondering what the money was for. Well, so was I! Evidently, she had decided out of the blue to buy her dream car. She got the cash without any complications, through a personal bank loan, since she is too young to get that much through a car loan program. This girl is a recent college graduate, is in her very early twenties and has only been working for some months. It's going to take her ten years to pay off that loan. Is it just me, or do you also find that frightening?
 

 It's no secret that a large percentage of young Omanis, now both male and female, in their twenties and early thirties are living way beyond their means and are refusing to accept a standard of living that suits their income level. Many take loans to support their families, but a large percentage of them (like my happy or perhaps hapless colleague) decide to go into debt for a car. Car loans, bank loans, personal loans, misuse of credit cards. What next? Among the factors contributing to this phenomenon are the rise of consumerism in Oman, an increase in the cost of living, and the need to keep up 'appearances', especially in Salalah. With mobile phones and cars emerging as fashion statements and lifestyle necessities in the Gulf, the pressure to spend is on.
 

A recent survey revealed that the spending habits of youth in the GCC are such that more than a quarter of the respondents admitted that they were in debt. More shocking were the figures from Oman. Evidently, thirty five percent of youth between the ages of 18 - 24 in Oman claimed to have loans. Thirty one percent of them had personal non-business related loans. The culture of credit cards shoulders much of the blame. The survey found that the main concern among young people is the rising cost of living in the region. To keep up their lifestyles, they have to spend more money, and in turn, take on more debt.
 

The concept of living within one's means and earning something after hard work is lost to many young people (and older people obviously) in Oman. Most of my friends are buying cars on credit. And these aren't just any cars. The majority cost between 16,000-30,000 rials. How is a person in their mid-twenties going to come up with that kind of money? What makes them think they need that kind of car when they haven't earned it? The only thing worth going into debt for, in my opinion, is higher education. Anything else can pretty much wait.
 

 Whatever happened to the concept of starting small and working towards your materialistic goals slowly? Young Omanis should be able to see the fine line between what's 'necessary', and what's 'luxury'. This is not how we humans are meant to live. Banks shouldn't make it so easy for young people to be given loans on a silver platter. Unfortunately, though, we can't blame only the banks. With debt becoming an increasingly significant and not so positive issue in Oman, due to changing lifestyles, I don't think it's going to get any better in the near future unless people become more aware of the dangers of living beyond their means. Someone please start a campaign to educate our children on the dangers of debt before they even leave school! If we can scare them into not smoking, surely we can convince them that getting into debt is equally, if not more dangerous.

Is Facebook Changing Oman?

Published March 2, 2010 - Muscat Daily

The title of my article may sound a little dramatic but I know this topic has been discussed endlessly by adults and young people alike all over the world. Since its launch in 2006, this online social networking site has been gaining popularity like nothing we've ever seen before. With over 400 million users (120,000 of them in Oman), Facebook is now available in over 70 languages and the average user spends about an hour on the website everyday. The factsheet statistics on the website are overwhelming.
 

I've noticed a huge increase in the number of Facebook users in Dhofar since the site became available in Arabic a few months ago. In fact, lately I've been getting at least 10 friend requests a week from people I knew back in university or school here in Salalah. Although I joined Facebook four years ago, my friend list has never exceeded 70 people; most of whom are close family and friends living abroad. I know I've offended many people by ignoring their friend requests, but what else am I supposed to do? I don't particularly feel the need for semi-strangers to be given a window into my life. On the other hand, some of my friends have up to 500 friends on Facebook, and despite this huge number of people who have access to their private lives, they still post personal information and hundreds of photos. This is something I will never understand.
 

Lately I've been thinking about how this whole phenomena is changing the way young people interact in Oman, and Dhofar in particular. Salalah is definitely still very conservative and it is almost impossible for members of the opposite sex to get to know one another in 'real' life....but what if social networking sites like Facebook end up revolutionizing the whole concept of gender mixing in such a society? You can forget about ever trying to explain the idea of online social networking to anyone over the age of about 40 in this town, so that leaves our techie-savvy young people free to pretty much do what they want online. It's exciting, rebellious, and slightly taboo. Facebook is extremely popular among university and college students in Salalah. Girls who are bored at home for most of the day often register under a pseudonym or tacky nickname like 'Princess of the South' or 'Cute Gal Salalah'. For a profile picture they'll usually select a provocative photograph of some Lebanese pop-star. The only real piece of information they provide is usually the college they're studying at. Once they've set up their profiles, they get to work finding boys and girls studying at the same college or in neighboring colleges. The next step is to start scanning other people's 'friend' lists in Salalah and send out hundreds of 'friend' requests. A whole new world is opened to them. The guys are more daring. They post real photographs of themselves, which makes the game all the more exciting. Let us not forget that Salalah itself is one big social network. Our close family and tribal connections make it very hard for anyone to be anonymous in this town. Even with a nickname like 'Lioness Salalah', you are never fully anonymous. Someone is going to end up knowing who you are and which family you come from.
 

Sites like Facebook can either make you or break you, depending on how you use them. Once the identity of a girl from Salalah has been exposed on Facebook, she may be questioned by her family and relatives. She may even have trouble finding a husband. If the average user spends at least an hour or two a day on Facebook, imagine how much useless information his/her brain is soaking in. Being involved in the small details of other people's lives every day can backfire. Some people I know have had breakdowns and ended up deleting their accounts on Facebook because they couldn't control their own time anymore. They became obsessed with other people's lives. Extremely unhealthy.
 

For those of us who can exercise self-control, Facebook can be a true blessing. I keep in touch with friends and family living abroad and I'm up to date on what goes on in their lives. Furthermore, I let them know what's going on in my life. It's all about balance. If you're going to use Facebook, take my advice and never spend more than half an hour a day online. Never. Only add people you know, and for heaven's sake, if you find yourself drowning in other people's lives on your screen, remember there's a 'real life' out there waiting for you!

The Shisha Café Scene

Published January 19, 2010 - Muscat Daily

Anyone who visits Salalah is bound to drive along Haffa beach in the old souk area, or what we locals call 'The Corniche'. It used to be a quiet area where you would often see families sitting at their doorsteps chatting or fishermen mending their nets on the sidewalk under the coconut trees. Sadly, now all you see on that long stretch of beach are white plastic tables and chairs belonging to the cheap restaurants or ' cafés ' that basically serve tea and shisha (commonly known as hookah), and very little else.

 If you drive along the beach any evening of the week, between 5 p.m and 2 a.m, you'll see hundreds of Dhofari men in small groups at these tables smoking shisha and drinking tea. Not only is it popular here among local young men, but it seems to be very popular with the tourists. Shisha restaurants don't exist only on the beach, but can be found practically anywhere in town, in hidden alleyways, in farm plantations, and now even extending up into the mountains. Is Salalah slowly turning into the shisha hub of Oman? Do we want that kind of publicity?

Looking back, I am guessing that this unhealthy habit appeared in Salalah back in the mid 1990's. However, nowadays it has become a social trend that is well integrated into the daily routines of men in Dhofar. Most of the men who hang out at these restaurants are between the ages of 20 and 40. Dare I compare them to pubs in England? Both are male hangouts. Both provide the opportunity to socialize. Both are places where you can watch sports on television. Both may or may not employ attractive female waitresses. Last but not least, both serve an addictive substance.
 

It amuses me to see that men tend to believe that spending hours smoking shisha adds to their social status & sense of prestige. I asked a number of people I know why they find shisha so attractive, and their answers were very similar. They all agreed that shisha makes them high, kills all the spare time they have on their hands, and provides an atmosphere for socializing. As a person who suffers from allergies, I have no respect for people who smoke. What's so great about filling your lungs and the air around you with smoke? Does it make you feel good about yourself in the long run? I doubt it.

Sadly, there are several places in Salalah now where even women can get their dose of tobacco. Personally, I think it's an extremely unpleasant and unhealthy habit and I will never understand why men do it, let alone women.
 

I've come to notice that many users here believe that shisha smoke is significantly less dangerous than that from cigarettes. The moisture induced by hookas makes it less irritating and thus may trick the smoker into thinking it's the healthier option. Studies by the World Health Organization have confirmed that use of shisha is as harmful to a person's health as smoking cigarettes, if not more. In a one-hour shisha session, users consume about 200 times the smoke and about 70 times the nicotine as they do in one cigarette. People who smoke shisha have five times the risk of lung cancer as non-smokers. Why do it?
 

Several shisha smokers I know claim that if they had something more interesting to do, they'd probably quit. Perhaps Salalah needs more sports facilities, useful entertainment centers, bowling alleys, bookstores, cinemas, and more decent places to kill time? More activities for young people? Sounds like a topic for one of my future articles!

Maniacs on the Road

Published December 22, 2009 - Muscat Daily

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A colleague of mine bought the car of his dreams a few weeks ago, and I saw him driving down the highway without his seatbelt on. I was horrified so I asked him the next day at work what the heck he thought he was doing speeding around town without wearing it? His answer was 'I spent 25,000 Rials on this car. You want me to drive around Salalah looking like a 2-year-old strapped to a child's car seat?' Yes, those were his exact words.

Speaking of car seats for kids, Salalah has yet to discover the benefits of using them. I cannot speak for other parts of Oman because I haven't left Salalah for a while, but here you will often see young children on the driver's lap or hanging out of the window or standing on the seats in a speeding car on a major highway. Parents seem to think their children are protected by some magic voodoo.
 

Is it just me or do others agree that a large percentage of drivers in Oman seem to have acquired their driver's licenses out of a Cheerios box? Whenever I'm on the road, I'm always on the lookout for old men from the mountains in ancient pickup trucks who think the highways are a free-for-all and who seem to exist in a parallel traffic universe, or the young men in expensive sports cars who overtake any vehicle in front of them that isn't going at 120 km/hr on a highway with a speed limit of 100 km/hr. What about the underage boys secretly driving their fathers' land cruisers who are too cool to indicate when switching lanes?
 

Why can't drivers judge distances and the speed of oncoming cars when they pull out? Why would you even consider overtaking on the left of a vehicle that is turning left? Need I mention the terrible habit of men who proceed to put their turbans on while driving during morning rush hour? They seem to control the steering wheel using their knees (while driving at 100 km/hr on the highway).
 

Last but not least, what in the world makes people in this country addicted to using their mobile phones while driving? I know that people all over the world do this but people in my town seem to wait until they get into the car to start making important phone calls. It's completely insane. They're not only endangering their own lives, but others' lives as well. The obvious complete absence of a sense of responsibility is extraordinary.
 

I was shocked to read the latest road accident statistics for the first ten months of this year. Almost 800 lives lost on the road and almost 8,000 injured in 5,895 accidents. Why did all those people have to die? Is it so difficult to drive carefully? We all know that using the phone while driving, speeding, being distracted, etc, is dangerous, but must we really wait until we are in a vehicle collision to fully comprehend what it all means?
 

I'm pleased with the fact that police officers seem to be spending more time on the road looking for offenders. Several people I know have been given a ticket during the past few weeks for even holding their phone in a small alleyway or for not wearing their seatbelts. I've also recently come to notice the new huge signs around town with messages practically begging people to be more careful. Kudos to the ROP for being more strict, and a salute to His Majesty for appealing to citizens to show restraint on the roads during his Meet-The-People Royal Tour last month.
 

I hope Oman introduces a new driving school program where not only are they required to complete at least 60 hours of training, but where new drivers are forced to watch lifelike videos on the results of texting while driving and which show in detail what actually goes on in a car during a collision. There are some really good and rather graphic videos available on YouTube and other sites. Please make an effort to drive carefully and avoid taking chances on the road. Don't wait for a tragedy to teach you the value of life.

The Great Divide: Bridging the Generational Gap

Published: October 27, 2009 - Muscat Daily

My neighbors are one of the nicest couples I've known. The mother and father grew up in the enchanting mountains of Dhofar. They both moved down to the town when they were adults and both did not complete their education. In fact, they still raise animals in the mountains during the monsoon and speak the local mountain dialect at home. They know about the hard way of life and they appreciate life's small pleasures like electricity and running water.
 

Their youngest child is 14 years old. She has 2 cell phones, a television and a laptop in her bedroom. In her spare time she watches American sitcoms, MTV and Dr. Phil. At least three hours of her day are dedicated to internet forums and chatrooms. She also swears a lot…. in English.

Is it just me or has something struck you as 'not quite right' up there? I call it 'The Great Divide'. I should have said 'their youngest granddaughter is 14'. Needless to say, her parents barely know how to use a cell phone, let alone a computer. She, of course, takes full advantage of their ignorance. They think she's on the computer 'studying' when she's actually chatting to guys twice her age online. You shouldn't be surprised; this is happening in Dhofar and all over Oman, whether parents are aware of it or not. Watching these rapid changes is scary, even for me! (I was a teenager no more than four years ago). I used to read, sew, paint, play Monopoly and hang out with friends at the park. These activities are considered so 'not-cool' among teens today. I'm not saying the gap is a bad thing. I'm just saying perhaps it happened too fast, and it should be tackled properly in order to prevent it from affecting our society and getting out of control.

Digital media, computers, mobile phones and the internet have been a taken-for-granted part of most young people's upbringing and environment. Many rely on technology not just to keep in touch, but as a way of developing their identities and socializing. Technology can play a positive, productive and creative part of young people's activities, development and social participation. It can also cause serious problems starting with the fact that most teens may be living in a virtual unrealistic world, and are forgetting what it's like to be normal human beings. They're not interested in local traditions, family, religion, etc, which is sad. Are we going to allow Omani and Islamic values to be lost with this generation?

Forgive me if I'm being too harsh, but I don't like fast change. I know it happens all over the world, but I find it exceptionally disturbing in Oman. Computer savvy kids freak me out. Period. I don't want a nine-year-old teaching me how to switch languages on my blackberry, nor do I want to see 16 year-old Omani girls worrying about the dating scene on 'Friends', a juvenile American sitcom.

Most parents in Oman do not understand computers, let alone the dangers the internet imposes on their kids. It's confusing enough growing up in our world, especially for young people. It's even harder when your parents have no idea what you're going through.

Get those television sets and laptops out of your children's bedrooms. Not understanding the internet does not justify neglecting to monitor what they're doing online and what they're being exposed to. Pay attention to what your kids are doing/watching. Become involved in their lives. Keep tabs on them. Figure out fun activities that don't involve being glued to a monitor. Wake up!

Oman is such an amazing country. I believe that if we work hard to tame the current generation of young people, they'll grow up to be intelligent individuals who are able to find the perfect balance between the traditional and the modern ways of life.

Why Don't Young Omanis Read?

Published: October 13, 2009 - Muscat Daily

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Last week I was sitting in my car in front of a tailor in the middle of Salalah waiting for my sister when a car pulled up beside me (a shiny blue Lexus if you really must know). Several women got out and set off in different directions. The driver was a young Omani man, perhaps in his early twenties. I thought to my self, ‘Oh boy, he’s going to spend the next half hour staring at me’, but lo and behold, he turned around, bent over into the backseat, and picked up a novel. He was already halfway through the book. I was so stunned that I ended up doing the starting instead. Why was I so surprised? It shouldn’t be uncommon for someone to read a book during long waits in the car, right? Wrong. In Oman, it is very uncommon. Most Omanis have not quite grasped the concept of reading for pleasure.

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I’ve always wondered why Omanis in general aren’t interested in books. Obviously one of the reasons would be that the older generation in Oman (i.e. most parents) are either illiterate or did not complete their education, and thus most young Omanis have grown up without a tradition of reading at home. Furthermore, our educational system in Oman does not encourage independent thinking & creativity, nor does it encourage reading. Books are also not easily available in Oman and are not marketed properly. Finally, I tend to believe that Omani writers do not receive enough support, but that’s my personal opinion.

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People who read in English are blessed with Borders bookstore in Muscat, but what about the rest of Oman? Our bookstores in Salalah host an insufficient selection of reference books, tourist books, and occasionally a novel or two. There are hundreds of excellent writers in our world whose books have been translated into Arabic. Take Chilean author Isabel Allende for example; I’ve met several Omanis who have read her translated books in Arabic. I tend to immediately ask where they found her books and inevitably their answer will be Dubai or Lebanon. Why not Oman? Sometimes we can’t even find books by Omani authors.

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We live in an age where technological toys such as television and the internet entertain us on a 24/7 basis. Books require dedication and discipline, two words that are not popular in our leisure-loving society. Most young Omanis waste a lot of their time on Facebook, chat rooms and internet forums. I cannot deny the fact that internet forums host excellent discussions a lot of the time, but is that even considered reading? The internet can never replace books.

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Reading involves greater levels of concentration. It increases our hunger for knowledge and encourages us to think, feel, analyze, and wonder. I won’t even start discussing the impact reading has on language skills. The habit can become a healthy addiction. Research has shown that avid readers have higher IQs and tend to do better in school and in their careers. Need I say more? People who do not read regularly are missing out on so much.

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I’ve seen the reading issue discussed endlessly among young people and on the internet in Oman, but instead of criticizing and complaining, why not think of a proactive approach to get young Omanis to read more? In Western countries kids usually read entire novels at home as part of their English class requirements. Why not start up a campaign in schools to get kids to read more? If you’ve got kids at home, for heaven’s sake read to them. It is very important to inculcate the habit of reading and the love for books from an early age. You can get kids into the habit of reading bedtime stories. Be creative. It will make them better analyzers and problem solvers. They will do better in school and it will help them later on in life. Guaranteed.